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If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
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C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
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Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
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UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
After every \'victory\' you have more enemies.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
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There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
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Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
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The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
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The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
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Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
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One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is \'to be prepared\'.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
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If a man does his best, what else is there?
We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
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If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
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Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
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Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
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In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
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Men have become the tools of their tools.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
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A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
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He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: \'Can I help, sir?\' \'No thanks,\' says the blind bloke. \'Just looking.\'
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Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
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There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
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If a man does his best, what else is there?
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
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Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
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Barab疽i\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
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